About a year ago, I rescued two pitch-black
Great Dane pups. Although these gentle
giants are lovable, they lack good manners.
Each day, Lurch and Lila’s long thick
tails bestow me with welcoming whacks that sting my legs like wet leather whips.
I have to continually shuffle
my feet whenever I’m around the dogs or Lila will put her humongous paw smack
dab on top of my shoe pinning me into place, while her brother Lurch attacks me
from behind...placing his nose in impolite places making me squeal and leap just
high enough that I end up riding him like a horse.
I dread grocery day because both of the
dogs have to stick their snouts in each and every Wal-Mart bag as I’m hauling
One time I tried to outsmart the little
darlings by holding the provisions way up high however, Lurch licked my armpit
as Lila reared up and jerked a 12 pack of paper towels out of my firm grip and
then proceeded to run like the wind. As usual, the brats double-teamed me!
learned the hard way that Lurch and Lila assume that everything I bring into
the yard is a toy.
The first day of spring, I placed
a beautifully painted
Oh please, not even the cars are safe.
Lurch or Lila chewed the black bumper pad off
the back of my mini van, which I later found ‘safe’ under the blankets in their
And…if that is not enough, the little darlings
managed to rip the large side mirror off Old Blue, my 1985 Ford truck.
I mention the day I almost had a come apart when I glanced up and saw Lila
looking down into the cars’ sunroof, like it was a fishbowl! (Note to self: Always close the sunroof!)
I realized nothing was sacred the day I
discovered Lurch and Lila playing tug-of-war in the front yard with one of my
silky designer nightgowns. Lets be honest here…I will admit I flew out the door
waving my arms and screaming like a mad woman. Oh, yes, of course they stopped.
They looked at me…and then took off running…with
the nightgown stretching to the breaking point.
Now…one night last week, I was in bed
watching TV, reading a book, and sucking down Rolos. (I call
hear ‘ding-dong’. How could there be anyone at the door? I never heard barking.
How could a stranger get by Lurch and Lila? What are they good for…stupid dang
Squinting, I see the shadow of a head
pressed against the glass peeking in the window. As I grab my glasses off the
top of the dresser, I jump at my own reflection in the mirror. Obviously, I’m spooked.
I silently scoot up to the front door. My heart is pounding. I get on the tips
of my toes to peer out the window as I flip ‘on’ the porch-light. Our eyes
meet. I scream bloody murder. Oh, for crying aloud…it’s Lurch!
Marmaduke and ScoobyDoo you’ve been out high-jinxed…by a couple of lovable rescue dogs.
Pamela Vanden Bos
Pamela Vanden Bos