Oy, Vey!

I was in a public restroom the other day, doing what one does in such places, when I realized that civilization – even the fairly savage form of civilization that has existed since Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” at the Super Bowl – has officially ended. I didn’t even see it coming. But I heard it, in the form of a woman chatting on her cell phone in the toilet stall next to mine.

The words “chatting” and “toilet stall” should never even appear in the same sentence together, much less be joined in unholy alliance in real life. But that’s exactly what happened. And based on my extensive personal research, I’ve learned it is happening every day. That’s why I think the fat lady is probably warming up her vocals and getting ready to sing. If it ain’t over, it’s got to be pretty darn close.

But let me backpedal to a couple of weeks ago when I was in the waiting room of an orthodontist’s office. If you have a teenager who had the gall to be born with imperfect teeth, you know the waiting room of an orthodontist is like the anteroom of Solomon’s legendary temple. You are supposed to sit there and purify yourself of all negative emotions (such as the desire to hold on to your money) before entering the holy of holies (the billing department) to happily sacrifice to the person who will straighten your child’s teeth. This purification process requires silence. But silence is in short supply these days.

As I was bracing myself to receive the braces bill, my ears were assaulted by the cell phone conversation of the teenage girl across from me. She was sitting next to her evidently comatose mother and recounting to her listener in excruciating detail an earlier discussion with a soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Every word of this fascinating exchange was loudly relayed to her friend and then analyzed in-depth, along with the apparent involvement with said boyfriend of another girl who was referred to only as what I will call the B word.

Unable to focus on the task at hand, I started glaring at the teenage talker with my most severe schoolmarm expression. This had absolutely no effect. Then I turned the look on the mother, thinking surely she’d tell her daughter to get off the phone. Nothing. The girl just kept talking, even dropping the “F bomb” with disturbing frequency. Finally, I spoke to the mother in that sugary-sweet tone civilized people use with strangers they’d actually like to strangle.

“Do you think you could ask your daughter to keep it down?” I inquired ever so nicely. The woman had the nerve to glare back at me.

“She’s just talking,” she replied in disgust. To borrow a favorite phrase of a friend of mine, oy vey!

Now fast forward to that bathroom stall. I was sitting there (no, don’t actually visualize it, that would be sick) and suddenly, I heard a woman’s voice very nearby say “Hi!”

Being a polite individual, I automatically responded, if a little hesitantly. “Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

This is when I became uncomfortable. But, still a polite individual, I began to answer. “Uh…I’m…”

“I’ve got to go,” she said more loudly to be heard over the sound of flushing. “Some idiot next to me thinks I’m talking to her.”

Naturally, I stayed in my stall until I was sure the woman was gone. Then I went home and initiated the extensive personal research I mentioned earlier. I called a couple of friends and my mother, and I found out something similar had happened to each of them. That’s when I realized that cell phones will probably be the end of civilization. We’ve certainly come a long way, baby. Oy vey!

© Jackie Papandrew, All Rights Reserved

www.jackiepapandrew.com

Comments

[Jackie]

Hold out as long as you can, Veronica! :)

[Veronica]

The Hosking family doesn't even own cell phones. Yet! We are avoiding them on purpose just for those reasons, but I've begun to wonder how much longer we can put it off.

[Jackie]

Thanks merlotmom! (great name by the way -- I love merlot!)... what will really be awful is if they lift the cell phone ban on airplanes, which they are considering. Then you'll have to sit there and listen to a dozen people chat on their phones...

[merlotmom]

LOL! Been there. Loved the part where you started to tell her what you were doing on the toilet and then get called an idiot. I had a similar incident happen where a close friend of mine and her daughter met up with me and my daughter. Her daughter received a cell phone call and proceeded to start a long chat. I said something to my friend and she made an excuse why it was okay for her daughter to continue. WTF! or OY VEY!