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Mom Writer's Literary Magazine

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March 30, 2008

When it Snows on Your Parade

So here it is...it's past Spring and you've spent weeks preparing a Wine and Cheese at your place of business. You have everything ready to go - the people are coming, the sun is shining, there's no S-N-O-W on the ground. You go to bed that night, anticipating a great event the next day.

You wake up in the morning and then - what the heck...it's S-N-O-W-I-N-G! 'Is this a joke from God?' you think. Wow...nice timing. It continues snowing all day -

You continue your gameplan, get all the wine glasses, the wine, the food...

As the night for event approaches and the hour is upon you, you panic. No one's showing up. In fact, it's a total washout. But, being the positive person you are, you pour yourself a glass of wine and have a little party with your hired servers. Yes, that happened to me and here's what I deduced from this:

1.   You can control yourself but that's it - acts of God, the weather, politics, the economy, other people and accidents can get in the way

2.   Have alternate plans when you do an event - it's always great to have a gameplan. This way, if the worst case scenario happens, you have another way you can act. In my case, I had a little party at my store, took the leftover smoked salmon, etc. and the next day I had a party at my girlfriends with all the leftovers. So, I made the most of this situation.

3.   Keep positive - it's easy to let your emotions fall when things don't go right. Sometimes, things go a certain way and there's nothing you can do except stay positive. Oprah once said that when you try something and it doesn't work, sometimes it's the universe's way of telling you the path needs to be changed.

So when life kicks you in the teeth, fight back with a positive attitude, alternative plans and only control your attitude - that's all you can do.

Lisa

Goodsearch.com

Possiblities1_2_2

There is a fantastic search engine called Goodsearch. Have you heard of it? What Goodsearch does is donate money to your favorite charity every time you use them to search for something!!

I think this is a fantastic idea and one that could do a lot of good if word gets out about them. I have used them a few times and specified that my search money go to the Arthritis Foundation. But you can have it go just about anywhere. And if they don't have the charity you would like to donate to - you can fill out a form and suggest they add it to their list.

I really wanted to donate to kidney stone research - but I don't know if there is a foundation for that. Otherwise, I think the sky's the limit in what you can donate to!

Please do consider bookmarking this site and using it as your search engine. It's free to use - and you are helping many organizations get the funds they need to find cures, get medicines, do research and more. You never know when you'll need the services of one of these!

 

~ Dionna Sanchez (Keeping It Real Columnist)

http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com

 

 

Counting Sheep by Maureen Locher

It's three a.m. and I cannot sleep. Second day this week. Like Webmaster Karrie I need and love my sleep. But here I am wide awake. Don't feel like reading or writing anything of consequence. TV is out. No way am I cleaning a single thing while my men slumber. So what's a mom to do? Any constructive and creative ideas out there I can tuck away for the next time I'm staring this monitor in the face at three a.m.? Suggestions much appreciated.

Maureen Locher ~ Copy editor MWLM

Maybe I should re-read my writings at http://maureenlocher.blogspot.com/ ~ To Give God. Now there's a thought! :)

March 28, 2008

Pull My Finger

As a professional columnist who writes on matters of pressing national importance that frequently involve food-thieving dogs and sanity-stealing teenagers, I sometimes have to deal with difficult people. These people typically share a common trait - they openly admit to being men.

One such brazen fellow contacted me recently to let me know that he did not believe I actually write my columns, suggesting I must employ the services of a male ghostwriter. “Your columns are too funny,” he wrote. “And women aren’t funny.”

Then he added a strange caveat: “Or, if they are funny, they are ugly women. And you are too pretty to be ugly.”

Now, understand that this backhanded compliment came from a man probably in urgent need of an eye exam who was looking at a picture of me taken by a professional photographer using all the latest photo-enhancing techniques after I’d gone through a multi-step procedure involving makeup and numerous hair-styling appliances. In other words, it was not representative of how I really look, especially first thing in the morning.

Anyway, this reader’s chauvinistic comments really got my goat. But after I’d calmed down, retrieved said goat and put him (or her) back in my mental barn, I started thinking about gender differences in the appreciation of humor. And I did a little research. Turns out, it has been scientifically proven that men and women process “funny” differently.

Some seriously inclined scientists have done some serious scientific studies, and they have discovered that women appear to think a little bit more about whether or not they find something amusing. These serious scientific studies threw around a lot of brain lingo with a fair amount of pre-frontal cortex mumbo-jumbo attached to it, but to boil it down, women were found to take some time to consider and truly enjoy a comedic experience. Women like sharing narratives that create a bonding moment. If a woman has something funny to say, you should grab a seat because the punch line isn’t coming for a while. Women laugh more at themselves, and we don’t do crude. We'd never ask someone to pull our finger.

Men, on the other hand, like making fun of everyone. They like one-liners and spitfire sucker punches that actually sting. They consider bodily noises an art form, from the perfect armpit fart (which I’ll admit does take some skill) to the loudest burp. Men are humor primitives – man hears joke, man thinks, “Oh, a joke,” man laughs because, well, it’s a joke, so it must be funny. They don't have the attention span or desire to wait for the funniness to occur.

This ability to be easily amused is a wonderful quality for members of your audience to have if you are in the business of trying to make people laugh. It also explains the appeal of such nauseatingly stupid (from a female perspective) movies as the seemingly unending “Jackass” series. But it renders the XY side of our species (AKA men) incapable of appreciating more sophisticated female funnies.

That’s why, as a professional humor columnist with a duty to tickle as many funny bones as possible - regardless of gender - I often write about simple things. It’s also why, if one of my male readers actually laughs at one of my columns, he may be skeptical that it was written by a woman. And that is why men don’t think women are funny. In the world of wit, we occupy different planes of existence. I really am a girl, guys, and I really do write my own material. But in order to further my comedic career and appeal to the widest possible audience, I frequently try to think like a man. Pull my finger.

© Jackie Papandrew, All Rights Reserved

To read more of Jackie's humor, check out her website at www.jackiepapandrew.com.

March 27, 2008

The New Earth

Have you heard of the book "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle?  Oprah is doing a webinar about this book every Monday night with millions all over the world participating. Tolle and Oprah disect another chapter in his book once a week. 

Tolle's message is simple.....be present in the now.  Stop thinking about the past and stop making plans for the future.  It's a powerful message to embrace.

I am trying to do it for my writing.  It can be a challenge as a mom writer (trying to think of story ideas while doing puzzles with a toddler is not allowed...do one but not both at the same time.)  The reward is that you will be present and able to enjoy each activity in the moment that it is happening.

Is anyone else tuning in on Monday nights?

Kathy

March 26, 2008

Some Books That Should Be At The Top of Your List

Don't have anything to read these days? Try these:

Healthy Child, Healthy World: Creating A Cleaner, Greener, Safer Home, Christopher Gavigan
This won't be out till April, but grab a copy as soon as it becomes available, or reserve one! It is indispensable for anyone who wants to be a little Greener. See what's being said about it at MotherTalk this week.

Liar's Diary, Patry Francis
This book was phenomenal! Highly recommended!

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care, Jennifer Block
This is a 'painful' book to read, but so necessary!


Kris Underwood

Writer's Resource Editor

Writing In The Mountains

March 25, 2008

A lifelong relationship with sleep

I took a nap the other day, and I have since come to the conclusion that I love sleep.  I’m not talking about love like the way you would say, “oh, I love that sweater you’re wearing.”  I’m talking real love.
Serious love.
As-much-as-your-children love.
(Well, maybe that not much, but still some pretty intense feelings.)
I haven’t always loved sleep so much.  In fact, I remember as a child fighting it with everything I had.  I used to hate going to bed.  Not only would I potentially miss something very exciting or fun, but I would also be left out of my parents’ discussions which I was sure were all about me.  So I would give the old line, “but I’m not tired” through half-closed eyes and my head would fall to one side until it fell far enough that I would jolt back awake, only to respond, “what?  I wasn’t sleeping…”
Eventually I’d give in or they’d yell loud enough and I would have to go to bed, where I was convinced that there were kidnappers just outside my window, waiting to come in and snatch me up.  There were no monsters in my closet, just masked-men waiting to haul me away in a van without windows.  In my cleverness, I figured that if they didn’t see me, they would pass by my house.  So I would lay totally flat under the covers, and attempt to re-make my bed on top of me, pillows and all.
And there I would rest and sweat and breathe through a tiny opening between the pillows.  And I would say my goodnight prayers, pray for my family and friends, thank God for all of the good things in my life, and also beg of Him to make the kidnappers really think there was no one laying in my bed.
Then I got a little older, and in time made my way into the world of academia.  This was a time of flux in my life, because although I really loved sleep, I thought I never had the time for it.  Between social events and writing reports, I consumed coffee by the pot-ful and often fell asleep right there on my computer keyboard. 
Unfortunately, the sleep I missed during the night hours was often made up in classrooms or lecture halls, where the dreams of my catnaps would intertwine with the school subject and one time I swear I wrote “Bob Evans has good breakfasts” on my environmental ethics exam.
Thank goodness for erasers.
But here I am now, an adult by most definitions.  I have had three children, all which have kept me awake so much that I haven’t slept through the night more than four times in the past seven years.  I spend incredible amounts of time preparing them and coaxing them to go to sleep—buttoning PJs, brushing teeth, reading stories, rocking babies—all so that I can stay up late and do things like write these columns and fold laundry without someone jumping in the basket. 
And while going to bed late at night is still good, what I truly adore are afternoon naps.  Especially the “official” naps where you can actually lay down with the blinds closed and a fuzzy blanket pulled up to your chin.  (Unfortunately, with a full house, these official naps come around about as often as Haley’s comet.)  All snuggled up, you turn off the ringer of your phone and put on the TV for background noise and forget about all of the chores waiting for you.  The house is quiet and there’s that peacefulness around that’s so calm it’s almost scary.
You can lay there and drift off without worrying about kidnappers or mixing dreams and essay questions and you realize that true love is in the air and that life is good.

Karrie McAllister, Webmaster etc. for MWLM
www.KarrieMcAllister.com

March 24, 2008

Me All Over Again

"I gave birth to myself," my friend Kathy once told me. It was Easter, two years ago, and Kathy (a Sagittarian like me) has a daughter (who is also a Sagittarian) the same age as my daughter (who is also - guess what - a Sagittarius). But astrology aside, Kathy's profound statement applied to me in ways that just keep on coming.

My six-year-old daughter Zoe is a Greek replica of me. My husband is full Greek and Zoe inherited the olive skin, brown eyes that turned hazel, and long, thick black hair. Other than that, she's all me. Behavior, mannerisms, temperament, liberal arts preference, fondness of baseball, face, body type, wild hairs all too apparent. And ear, nose and throat issues, did I mention those? Zoe has had a lasting strep throat since January. Collectively, about 3-4 weeks of school missed. And a school nurse that tells me today "I don't know how this is plausible," when I ask her how little white spots can appear on the tonsils two days after the third round of antibiotics were finished.

When I was 11 years old, my tonsils were removed. My daughter is following my same medical - in addition to every other type of - pattern. Do you see where I am going with this?

I am watching myself grow up as Zoe gets older...this is has its ups and downs. Poor kid is strong and fearless (knock on wood), but has ear, nose and throat issues on her genetic forecast because she was born from me. But things that went wrong with me, I'm totally tipped off to and I intend to cut them off at the pass for my little girl. Because I am her mother I intend to be her advocate in every way, but because I am her original copy, I have a little insight.

And, as it were, hindsight. Seeing myself in her, so unextectedly full circle, I seem to like myself a whole lot more. 

Now wish me luck, I am going to bat for her with a jersey that says 'TONSILLECTOMY" against the opposing team, the insurance company.

If I'm anything like Zoe, I got some fight in me.

~ Samantha Gianulis

March 23, 2008

Happy Spring Break

This year we're not creating pysanky (Ukrainian decorated eggs)...After an 8-hour road trip, we made it to Moab, Utah, for a week of hiking, mountain biking, and 4-wheeling fun. Wishing everyone a happy holiday weekend. ;)

~Sue, Managing Editor

March 22, 2008

Happy Easter!

The eggs were hard boiled yesterday.  The baking was completed this morning.  The eggs are colored, awaiting the arrival of the Easter bunny.

100_0243.jpg Dying Easter Eggs picture by hosking

Happy Easter Everyone!  I'll share the sunshine tomorrow.

Veronica Hosking

Poetry editor