Mamazina Blog

Crazy Fun by Maureen Locher

^{About a month ago I happened to be awake past 11:00 when everyone else in my house was asleep, except for my 20-year-old son. It seems Video Man had ordered the hottest new shoot ‘em up videogame of the year, and this night at 12:01 he could go into town and pick it up. Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it?}

 

^{When my four boys were younger we had all sorts of crazy times together. This night I was up for crazy. I would go with him. We sneaked out of the sleeping house and were on our merry way. As we neared the plaza I seriously thought I would die right there on the spot. The line of people already waiting in line had to be over 400! The line stretched past the end of all the stores. I knew I’d be stuck alone in my car with nothing to do for hours and hours. No book to read, no notebook, no nothing.}

 

^{The crowd swallowed Video Man; a hadn’t a clue where he was. It was 11:45. I could see the store entrance clearly. I focused my vision there. What are the odds of having this fiasco run smoothly? thought me of little faith. We are talking some serious anxiety here, followed by utter disbelief and finally resignation. Video man was gone. No way was he coming back to take Mommy home. I realized exactly how little ones feel when trapped in malls with their shopping moms for hours on end. No way to escape. In for the duration.}

 

^{The stroke of midnight arrived; one more minute and the doors opened. 30 seconds later a young man runs out, clutching the video game above his head as a prize fighter flaunts the championship trophy to the extreme roar of the crowd. Clapping, cheering, screaming. This boy runs, and I mean RUNS, to his truck which was parked near mine. He was so happy!}

 

^{Every guy who came out ran to their vehicles hooting and hollering, burning rubber, tearing out of the parking lot. Five high school friends, all clad in their letterman jackets, emerged as if their lives depended on reaching their cars first. They ran as fast as they could.}

 

^{I was swept up in the sheer happiness of these goofy people. And the best part was that at 12:04, only three minutes after the doors were opened, 30 people went in and out. What else could I do but count? 12:09 – 50. 12:13 – 82. 12:16 – 101. 12:21 – 135. How could the salespeople move them out so quickly?}

 

^{As I counted the 140th person I thought I glimpsed my son, but it couldn’t be. He had to be much further back. Eureka! Crazy Person #149 was my Video Man. He had cut in line when he saw some friends. Yay! Who cared about rules at that point? Not me! I was going home before 4 in the morning.}

 

^{Here’s a shout out to GameStop for a job very well done. They even served free pizza. Believe it or not, I exited the parking lot with a twinge of sadness, leaving the joy. It’s good to know that I can still make crazy memories with my crazy men!}

 

^{Maureen is copy editor and columnist for Mamazina. Visit her at www.CatholicMom.com where she writes a weekly column, and also at www.MaureenLocher.com.}    

Snappy Hat Comebacks

Any parent with more than one kid can attest to a universal truth regarding second babies: You are much more chilled.

It’s true.  On everything from public meltdowns to eating crumbs off the floor, I’m just more relaxed with my second daughter.  When it comes to what other people have to say about how I raise my children, I roll with it even more.  No more worries about what friends/in-laws/books/experts might say about our family’s choices. 

I was not so calm the first time around.  A casual comment from an older woman at the Whole Foods sent me into a spasm of self-doubt that lasted for weeks.  Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but I love to imagine that I had summoned the gall to give a snappy retort.

Things I wish I had said to the busybody in Whole Foods who said, “I hope you have a hat for that baby!”

Ignorant.  “Hat?  What’s that for?”

Ageist.  “Hats are for old people.  Get with the internet age, crusty!”

Protective lioness.  “Back off!  And don’t let me catch you staring at my baby with your creepy eyes again, you child-stealing weirdo!”

Buck passing.  “If you feel so strongly about it, maybe you should raise her.”

Immigrant.  “In my country, we teach children that people who wear hats cannot be trusted.”

Sarcastic.  “Thank God!  If not for your wise counsel I would have surely let my offspring perish due to sun/wind/cold exposure!  I had no idea that I could prevent such a catastrophe!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for saving me with your miraculous advice!”

Developmental psychologist.  “The application of a constraining containment on the cranium limits bloodflow to the cerebral cortex.”

Adolescent.  “Hats have cooties.”

Guilt trip.  “When you were a young mother and you doubted every choice you made, did anyone ever publicly challenge your parenting, thereby shaming you into weeks of self-flagellation?  Well, that’s what you just did to me.”

What I really said: “Huh?  Er…oh…um…okay…”

--Robin Dutton-Cookston is senior editor at MaMaZina and lots of other good stuff too. Learn about her book and more at The Foggiest Idea

The Safe Christmas Tree

So, some people in England decided they needed a safer Christmas Tree. One that won't lash out at citizens, I suppose. Only, it was the citizens that lashed out.....
The safer Christmas Tree

I Used to Rule the World...

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own.
~ ColdPlay

I started this post with the idea that I have become a shadow of my former self "sweeping the streets I used to own." If in my twenties I was the <strong>bomb </strong>than in my late thirties I would be compared more to a sparkler at the very end of it's life. A couple of random short sparks and then a scorching hot burnt ember.  But I had it all wrong.

As I started to think about all the "cool" things I used to do in my youth driven by low esteem, and lack of confidence with both my body and my mind, I realized that my actions and thoughts weren't as cool as I remember. Instead they walked the fine line between stupidity and just overall bad decisions.  I wasn't having fun, but more over just trying to fit into whatever mold was required of me that day, week or year.

My Aha was...I am ten times cooler now then I was then. It's not that my self-doubting inner voice has stopped yelling in my ear, it's just that I don't listen any longer to what that thug has to say.

So as I round third base and slide into forty I am NOT a shadow of my former self but I am rocking a grand slam version of my HOTTER vibrant orange, don't give a care, random sparkles everywhere self. So I started a list of all the things I do now that make me so cool today (in my own mind):

I now dance when EVERYONE is watching and I do it ALL OF THE TIME. And when the Hannah Montana or iCarly theme song comes on the TV at home, I know for a fact that all of my daughter's friends think I am totally cool because not only do I know ALL of the words but I dance while singing them out loud. Because nothing is cooler than a mom dancing in the kitchen with an oven mitt on one hand, and breaking it down like Michael J. 

I drive a mini-van... oh yes, much, much cooler than the red Camaro I had in my twenties. We named it "Hip Hop you don't Stop Rocking" because it was so hot. But I'll tell you what my cherry red Camaro didn't have. Automatic doors... that's right.  

And while I am driving around my way hot blue mini-van, I have the radio turned up loud, rocking out some NPR. Can I give a shout out to All Things Considered...?

My music tastes are much better. I keep it real and lean more towards the 80s and the 90s. But some Barbara Streisand or some Cold Play can always pick me up.

I order cheeseburgers and eat them without abandonment. And the only use I have for Ranch dressing is for my fries, no salads for this girl. As a result in the summer I wear a tankini bathing suit with a matching skirt, top it off with a big straw hat with giant glasses to match. Yes, you're right I make all those young girls jealous. 

At night for bed, I wear my Police t-shirt the one I bought in 07 at a Police concert. I cut out the collar so it hangs off one shoulder. Roxxannnee- you don't have to put on that the red light.

I pluck my eyebrows while waiting in the car pool line (can't beat the natural sunlight), I am a multi-tasker, what can I say?

And lastly, I have MC Hammer as ring tone on my phone. And I bet "you can touch that."

Find My Family

"Find My Family" is a new show on ABC.  I watched the preview of it last week and found myself hooked.  The premise of the show is that they want to reconnect family members together.  The preview wast story of a biological mom who wanted to find her daughter who she gave up.  She and the birth father stayed together and had three more children together. 

And the part I liked best is that the Tim Green along with his co-host both went through the experience themselves.  So when they stand with a birth mother or an adopted child, they are a bit teary themselves knowing what it is like to have that experience.

But there are two possible endings to every story. I know from my experience with others going thru journey, that some people do not want to be found. I am guessing that "Find My Family " will not show this kind of story. 

Meanwhile, I pause at this time of the year and reflect myself. A seventeen-year-old girl was pregnant and had to make a difficult choice.  Should she keep her child or offer it a different family because she was too young to raise a baby?  Would she want to be found by the show "Find My Family"?  These are questions that I contemplate almost every year.  I will be doing it while I watch the new show.

Kathy Schlaeger lives near Cincinnati, Ohio with her husband and three daughters. 

Take Care of Yourself for Me

Whether you are looking for a loving relationship or if you are already in one, the best thing you can do for the relationship as well as for your friends, your employer, and your family, is to take care of yourself.

 

I recently read a story of a colleague who lost his 41 year old son because, although he didn't feel well, he refused to visit his doctor. This was an unnecessary loss from an undiagnosed - and quite serious - medical condition that could have been easily corrected and managed once identified.

 

And now his family - his wife and child - as well as all who knew him are trying to adjust to life without his presence.

 

Unfortunately, this is a common story. You know something is wrong but for whatever reason, you resist doing what in your heart you know you need to do.

 

It doesn't have to be about your health. It can show up in a myriad of ways when we choose to ignore our inner voice. Any time you feel angry or upset but choose to stuff it rather than acknowledge it and face it, you are not honoring yourself; you are not taking care of yourself.

The greatest gift you can give to mankind - and to yourself - is to learn to honor yourself.

 

You are the most important person in your life.

~ The Journey Called YOU

 

Why is it so difficult to take care of yourself?

·     You struggle accepting that something could be wrong with you. It shouldn't happen; you should always be healthy.

·     You hope it will go away.

·     You're scared of having to deal with something unknown, something new.

·     You live in denial, dancing around the "elephant in the room" trying to escape and avoid rather than face reality.

·     You don't let people care about you when they ask you to seek medical attention.

·     You have difficulty and feel guilty when calling out of work when you are clearly ill and need to be home.

·     You haven't seen a doctor in years, haven't had blood work or vaccines.

·     You hate the idea of lab coats and blood and needles... and any other excuse you can come up with.

Whatever your reason, whatever story you tell yourself, the adult thing to do is to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.

Without you, you have nothing. If you cease to exist or if you can no longer care for yourself, then you cannot enjoy being with your family, friends, kids, work...

 

Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others.

~ The Journey Called YOU

Caring for yourself is quite simple. It means getting in a habit of caring about your physical, emotional, and mental well being. Small steps taken regularly add up. Here are three simple steps to get started:

 

1) Get into integrity. Take responsibility for yourself, your happiness, your body, your current state of affairs. Stop rationalizing your life through your "story," playing into your own drama, or living in denial and avoidance. Become proactive rather than reactive. Face your reality - the good and the challenging. If you need help, call me. That's what coaches are for, helping you deal with the tough stuff.

 

2) Visit your doctor once a year. If you have never gone or haven't been to one in years, schedule your appointment right now for as soon as possible. Don't delay! Visit your dentist twice a year. You know what they say: Ignore your teeth and they'll go away.

3) Be good to yourself. Treat yourself and your body with loving-kindness and respect. After all, you can only experience YOUR life, no one elses. You are responsible for the quality of your life experience. No one else can do it for you.

To be in a relationship, I want for you to take care of you for me, and in turn, I will be responsible and take care of me for you. That way together, we enjoy the best of each other.

Want a free coaching session? Contact me at Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com to schedule 30-minutes this week!

 

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success

 

A Boy Above

I am thankful for my son. He is beautiful, strong, funny, and full of potential. Whatever he does, he does with such energy and verve the very air around him becomes charged. Indeed, whatever Max gets into he puts 110% of himself into it.

But that can be a problem. See, Max is a little too much of everything. He's stronger than other kids his age. He's a little taller, a bit more intense, just a tad too rough, and much, much busier. He is operating on a level that exhausts him--and us--day and night.

In my last entry I pondered whether Max is "more" of everything because he is a boy. Several evaluations and assessments later I am realizing the ness in his boy is exaggerated because he has an excessive amount of energy. This causes him to act crazy. He does things like try to run as far from mommy and daddy as possible; he jumps off of anything he can get on top of; he slides down our large stair case; he touches everything all the time; he pushes kids for inexplicable reasons; he runs, always runs whereever he is going; and he literally cannot stand still while getting dressed (or ever, it seems!).

So far we do not have an ADHD diagnosis (he can pay attention and follow directions), not on the autism spectrum (he is very social and affectionate)  but rather something called "hyperkinetic disorder." Ever heard of it? Me neither. Good luck trying to find any substantial information on this condition! But I've been reading whatever I can get my hands and eyes on and what I know causes me to wonder what the world must seem like to my busy little boy. Does he experience the world in fast motion? Slow motion? Is he constantly frustrated because he can get from A to B in .5 seconds while it takes the rest of the world a full minute to get to where he's headed?

We are in the early stages of our investigation into how to improve our little man's life, but I will share with those of you who have hyperactive kids the one super secret special tip that has saved our lives: an indoor trampoline. Whenever our little superhero gets full of himself and puffed up on his big, yet dangerous ideas we send him to jump. Tantrum? Jump! Frustrated? Jump! Overstimulated? Jump!

Jumping it out puts Max on an even keel with the rest of us. He gets to be in control of his movements in a focused, safe activity while still interacting with us and avoiding time-outs. Everybody wins! He burns off energy, we don't get hit by an airborne toy fire truck, and he stops hearing, "no, stop that, time-out, be gentle, etc." every 5 seconds. Having the trampoline allows us to positively redirect our son so that he doesn't always feel bad or wrong.

Plus, Max gets to be--above and beyond everything else--totally Max.

____________________________________

Claire Kreger-Boaz is a really cool wife and mother as well as the City Ambassador for San Diego MomsLikeMe.com

High School Musical 2

Marta Calero

 

He disfrutado de la maternidad inmensamente. Soy una  mamá de

 

dos niños adorables, una niña de cinco años y un niño de tres. Junto

 

Con el profundo amor, que lleñò mi vida con la maternidad, llegó

 

también el abandono hacia mi misma. Físicamente, mentalmente y

 

emocionalmente. ! ¡Yo me olvidé de mi marido tambien! Siempre he

 

sido muy optimista, de algún modo u otro, esperaba ver la luz; y aun

 

en las peores situaciones, supe agradecer los buenos momentos y

 

valorar en su medida: mis bendiciones.¡Feliz, porque mi familia y yo,

 

tenìamos salud, la protección de un techo sobre nuestra cabezas y

 

alimentos en la mesa! Para mi, eso era suficiente

 

Algo sucedió dentro de mi, en estos últimos dos años, quizás hayan

 

sido mis cambios hormonales, que me arrastraban hacia una nueva

 

etapa de mi vida, con cambios fisicos y emocionales. Problemas

 

matrimoniales, financieros, me hicieron preguntarme, qué puedo

 

hacer, para proveerle todo a mis niños?

Yo siempre pensé que mi vida sería extraordinaria. De alguna

 

manera yo sentía que había pagado mis derechos con tristezas

 

después de perder a mi mamá, mi padre y mi madrina antes de la

 

edad de veintiuno. Soñé ...ser una cantante exitosa, escribir

 

canciones que inspirarían a otras personas y levantarían su espíritu,

 

 

ayudar otros en sus momentos amargos a no perder la fé ni rendir 

 

sus fuerzas.Pensé, que sería capaz de sostener financieramente a

 

mi familia, en Cuba, Miami y ahora en NYC. Quizá mis metas eran

 

desproporcionadas, pero hubo un tiempo en mi vida, que esos

 

sueños parecieron tener razón para existir y pude casi acariciarlos

 

con mis manos. Un día, me miré en el espejo y no reconocí quién yo

 

había llegado a ser. ¿Soy una gran mamá, yo pensé,-cómo puedo

 

sentirme tan triste y decepcionada conmigo  misma, si he sido

 

bendecida con dos niños tan bellos, Y he podido disfrutar cada

 

momento de mí vida con ellos?

Estaba triste y no podía sacudirme esa tristeza, sabia que había

 

atravesado muchos obstáculos durante los ultimos tres años, que

 

eran razón suficiente para sentirme triste. La persona optimista que

 

habita en mí, no podía permitir ni aceptar que me sintiera tan

 

desilusionada. ¡Había golpeado el fondo! Necesitaba un cambio pero

 

no sabía cómo lograrlo. Para cuidar de mí, mi ser, mi cuerpo y mente.

 

Yo me preguntaría cada mañana". ¿Cómo puedo recrear mi vida?

Escribí en mi agenda todo lo que debía hacer, forjé un plan, pero no

 

lo llevaría hasta el final. Entonces, un día que estuve en la casa de

 

mi sobrina, ví la película- High School Musical 2. Me encantó,

 

absolutamente la adoré y disfruté tanto  como mi sobrina de siete

 

años de edad. Volví a casa y me di cuenta de que  tenia esta película

 

en mi gabinete, en las siguientes cinco semanas, probablemente ví

 

la pelicula  cuatro veces. Mi cuñada me hizo una copia de las

 

canciones me encantó la mayor parte y he disfrutado escuchando la

 

música con mis niños prácticamente cada día. ¡Saltar en mi cama,

 

cantando con nuestro “micrófono de princesa”.

¿Por qué me gustó la película tanto? Me remontó atrás en el tiempo

 

a cuando tuve dieciocho años. Cuánto adoré cantar y bailar y cómo

 

me cuidaba! Me llevó atrás a un lugar donde todo fue posible, a mis

 

primeros triunfos, mi primer amorsito- a las primeras mariposas en el

 

estomago. Sentía esos sentimientos tan intensamente. Pensé, cuán

 

afortunado y maravilloso haber tenido la oportunidad de bailar y

 

cantar con un ramo de amigos. Hacer lo que usted adora es un

 

regalo. Eso es lo que aspiro.

Para ser honesta, con tanto que ha sucedido yo no tengo la energía

 

para mí pero ahora sé que si cuido de mi misma, seré una mejor

 

mamá  y el modelo a imitar para mis niños, una mejor mujer, amiga

 

y ser humano.

Sé, que no tengo ya dieciocho y he vivido la realidades de la vida.

 

Pero me pregunto, ¿ Por qué no? ¿Cómo puedo crear  alegría y

 

amor en el corazón para mi  misma ? ¿Cómo puedo creer otra vez,

 

cuando la oscuridad ha entrado en mi vida? Yo todavía no sé cómo

 

recuperarme, pero he comenzado ya, con pequeños pasos.

EL primer paso- Me he registrado para una clase de baile de hip hop

 

y jazz, una vez a la semana, para mover el cuerpo que se siente

 

tenso. Comenzaré con esto y les mantendré al tanto en mi

 

transformación a vivir mi vida con alegría, fe y esperanza. Con me

 

renacimiento!